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Matt Titus Valentine’s Day Tips: Creating the Mood

Matt Titus Valentine's Day Tips: Creating the Mood

Matchmaker Matt Titus Gives you tips on creating the mood for the most romantic Valentine’s Day

Matchmaker Matt Titus Gives you tips on creating the mood for the most romantic Valentine’s Day


Creating the right mood starts with lighting. Whether you live in a big house or a studio apartment, lighting is the most important aspect of romantic staging.. He suggests closing the shades or drapes to create a more intimate and serene oasis, switching to softer bulbs (which you can find in any lighting store or a Home Depot) and opting for a red or purple bulb to create a warm ambience in some lamps or fixtures. Of course, lighting candles is the quintessential way to have romance permeate any room. If you are averse to open flames, there are many types of flameless candles available that can create the same warm sensuality.


Focus on flowers

No Valentine’s Day decor would be complete without flowers — and lots of them. You have a few ways to incorporate beautiful blooms into your space without relying on a simple bouquet in a vase. Place small bowls with floating candles (regular or flameless) among a sea of flower petals to add a dramatic touch. Or you can focus on individual blooms. Individual bud vases are delicate and can be placed at different corners and areas of your home. Besides roses, flowers such as lilies, irises, tulips and orchids provide a sexy, feminine and inviting ambience.


Add music

If you’re having a romantic dinner at home, music can go a long way toward setting the mood you want. Create a playlist with romantic tunes to play in the background. You don’t want the music to overpower the environment — it should be soft and sensual but loud enough to filter through the room. Depending on what moves you or puts you in the mood, design a mix that will complement your surroundings.

Choose the right colors

Put down the pink ribbons and red bows. Valentine’s Day colors can be both romantic and sophisticated. Certain hues invoke romance, such as burgundy, deep reds, violet and warm browns. You don’t need to necessarily paint your walls and start from scratch, but adding some deep-colored pillows and throw blankets can up the romantic ante in any room. Long plush velvet drapes, whether covering windows or acting as a room divider, also add a soft and sensuous presence.

Don’t discount tableware

The more effort you put into making the evening special, the more romantic it will seem — no matter what’s on the menu. Even if you are having Chinese takeout and soda, break out the dishes and wine glasses. Actually take time to set the kitchen table and use silverware rather than the free plastic utensils. Turn off the TV, light the candles, turn on the music and enjoy each other’s company. That’s the most romantic thing you can do in any room.

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Ask Matt Titus:Is it too early to move in together?

Ask Matt Titus:Is it too early to move in together?

Dear Matt,

I am planning to move in with my boyfriend. We have been dating for about six months. Do you think this step will bring us closer together or could it be worse for the relationship?

Matt Titus says:

This is a big step in a relationship, and it’s not just about finding a great apartment and buying some cool items at Bed, Bath & Beyond to fix it up. There are some key matters you should be sorting through to make sure you’re not boxing up your things six months down the road.

  • First, he needs to know that YOU consider this a big step in the relationship. Do not let him think you are willing to just be his “roommate.”
  •  Second, it is important to let him know where you stand; but you should not have to ask him where HE is in the relationship. If this man wants to spend his life with you, he needs to be sure HE is ready for this next “move.”
  • Finally, make certain you are comfortable with his level of commitment, before you hire a U-Haul and sign any 2-year lease.


And, if you have a question, ask Matt:
Follow Matt On Twitter: @MattTitus

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Ask Matt Titus: Ladies, Make the FIRST Move!

Ask Matt Titus: Ladies, Make the FIRST Move!

girl making first move

Matt Titus answers your questions and gives advice on dating, love and relationships.

Stop waiting for him to come to you! That’s advice from a recent Women’s Health article, which says 55% of men find it sexy when a woman approaches them. Men enjoy receiving attention just as much as women do. If you think a guy will be less interested if you make the first move, you’re completely wrong. Don’t be afraid to smile, make eye contact, subtlety touch his arm and definitely compliment him (YES, guys like compliments too!). You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Check out my appearance on Rachael Ray giving flirting and dating tips to The Food Network’s fabulous Sunny Anderson.

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Women and Monogamy…Do they go Hand and Hand?

Monogamy has always been a sticky subject for me. The idea of one person forever is downright scary, nauseating even. Surprisingly though, for the past 8 years, I’ve mostly been a serial monogamous–floating one relationship to the next, with a few random bed stumblings in between until I found my next partner in crime. But the chance of any of those PIC’s leading to marriage is what eventually causes me to end it. There’s something about the permanence feeling, the restriction, the death do us part bit–it’s overwhelming, it’s too much of a commitment; it’s possibly not for me.

But I’m not a man. I say that because these are all sayings I’ve heard come from a man’s mouth. Scientifically speaking, you expect that because men are supposed to go forth and spread their seed, they can’t be bogged down. We’re supposed to just catch it, grow it and hatch it with a man potentially by our side. However, when those hormones, brain fibers or whatever, were being formed in my brain, the incessant need to marry and procreate were not included. Instead, I too, want to go forth and spread my metaphorical seed–in all aspects of life that is.

As I’ve progressed into the second half of my twenties, I’m finding other women who feel the same. We watch the girls around us getting engaged, getting preggers, starting real lives with people and we just look on with horror with fake congratulatory smiles on our face. It isn’t because we are incapable of love. Many of us have it, but like man, we weren’t hardwired with these kinds of needs. We are no better nor worse than those who are, but one things for sure, our numbers are growing.

I think we’ve just progressed into a different sort of need. As the inequality gap closes in the workforce, women out number men as college graduates and newer, faster technology emerges, we’re just getting bored. It seems silly to say, but as we become more and more successful with easier ways to communicate, we need more to stimulate our senses. One person is good for now, but he won’t be indefinitely. Just like any job and the need for career growth,one needs personal and emotional growth. I think that can eventually tap out with one person and thus boredom ensues, making it hard for anyone person to stay truly monogamous.

My hope is that I’m wrong and all of us who’ve strayed from the norm can be proven wrong one day. But until then, while we falter, we’re just going to have to visit Adam and Eve and make sure we’re well stocked on toys. Because that’s one kind of monogamy we can all get down with.

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If You Really Want To Know Someone, Live With Them!

Living together before you get married is a must. You never know anyone until you see their unabridged personal life. It’s hard to hide who you are when you sleep, eat and breath within 2500 sq feet of each other on a daily basis. Anyone can portray beauty, style and grace a few times a week, for a couple of hours. Case in point, many years ago I had been introduced to a sexy older woman that had an interest in investing in one of my fitness ventures. She had divorced very well and had money to burn so she asked me if she could be my silent partner. I needed a investor with deep pockets that would allow me to create my dream facility. I knew this was going to be a terrible mistake but I allowed my business greed to cloud my personal judgement. So the night we made the deal, we went out to celebrate and I somehow ended up in her bed the next morning (doesn’t that sound innocent?) Now I was sleeping with my investor. (aren’t I genius! this was probably one of the worst mistakes that I have ever made. It actually gets worse. This casual sex some how turned into a relationship that resulted in us moving in together after only 6-weeks! (And I’m a relationship expert) Yes I am. From experience my dear reader. The point is that I was living with a virtual stranger. Her first order of business was to claim stake to the 12 by 12 cedar walk in closet. She did this changing the locks and NOT giving me a key. Her explanation was that the closet would by housing her diamond jewelry and fine furs and didn’t want any apartment building personnel to have access. Excuse me, am I apartment building personnel? Where the f**ck is my key? I let that one slide, wouldn’t want to upset investor/girlfriend. Then she announced that every other friday she had to fly down to Miami (alone) and model diamond necklaces at parties for some old guy that owned a jewelry store. What? Oh it was okay because he was going to pay her $2500.00 for the weekend. At this point I felt like I was living in a different galaxy with some freakish martian. She would come back late sunday night (mind you, she would not contact me or answer my calls the whole weekend) looking like she had been on a 3 day bender of hard liquor and narcotics. She would sleep till 2 pm on Monday and show up at “our” facility for work at 4 pm exhausted, miserable and exceptionally demanding. Our fledging business was experiencing growing pains and cash flow wasn’t what she had expected. Maybe it was do in part to her  3 hour daily ” liquid power lunches” that she expected me to be her escort on. I was never a big drinker, so Belvedere and tonic wasn’t my drink of choice to go with my seared tuna. She had an exceptional relationship with Mr. Belvedere and tonic and would consume between 6 and 8 drinks during lunch. She then would demand sex in a public place and expect me to perform at an optimal level while I tried to please her in the stall of the men’s bathroom while the attendant pretended not to see us. Then she would beg me to have one more cocktail before we left. During our “cocktail” she would usually become wildly bipolar and start to cry over anything from our business to her general disappointment in life, Her sorrow would eventually turn into blind rage where she would verbally abuse me for the color of my shirt. This was usually followed by the “burning of sage” ritual at our facility to ensure that she “cleared” all the bad energy from our business so we could make money. So this was not only my girlfriend but also my business partner! As my investor she was responsible for the money in which I drew from the business. I was totally dependent on this unstable woman for my business as well as my personal success. How could I have gotten myself into this mess.

It all ended one monday afternoon when my investor/girlfriend didn’t show up for work. Around 4:30 my cell phone rang and I just assumed it was my cranky investor/girlfriend calling me to bitch. It was very surprising to hear Detective Charles on the other end of the line. “Hello Mr. Titus, my name is Detective Charles and we have just taken your girlfriend into custody for drug possession and trafficking.” As it turned out my “live in girlfriend/investor” turned out to be a notorious drug dealer and trafficker that was wanted in 3 states for felony drug possession. Who would’ve thunk it? Since I was never a drug user  or seller I had no idea what the signs were. I was lucky enough to bring in another investor and eventual sell my facility 2 years later for a profit. The takeaway from this story is to truly understand what you are getting into when you decide to move in with a significant other. As I had mentioned, it is imperative to do this if your eventual goal is marriage. Here are 10 things to do when you move in with someone so you can clearly see who they are.

1. Do not become financially dependent on each other. Do not merge bank accounts. Have one account that is for bills that you both contribute to.

2. Make sure that there is enough space so you can feel like each of you are alone even when you are home together.

3. Living together doesn’t mean that you have to be together anymore than you were before you moved in with each other.

4. Expect to see sides of each other that you didn’t know existed. Trust me, you can’t hide “the crazies” we all have them.

5. Be prepared for the relationship to become a lot more real. It will lose the luster but it will be replaced with substance and strength.

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The New Manhattan Man: Fragile, Sensitive and Terrified

Last Thursday night I got a call from my office asking me if I could take a last minute appointment. I asked my assistant about the appointment. She said it was a 30 year-old investment banker guy that was looking for “love.” I thought, oh boy, what’s a 30 year old private banker doing calling a matchmaker to help find him a relationship in NYC. He either must be disfigured or looking for a pimp. As I have said many times before,” being young, male and upwardly mobile on the island of MANhattan is like winning the lottery.” With 210,000 more single women than single men and an overall attitude of entitlement, men on this island are kings. So when “Steve” walked in in his Hugo Boss suit, shiny hair and perfect smile, I couldn’t wait to hear what he could possibly need from me. He extended his hand and said, “Hello Matt, thank you for seeing me on such short notice, I really appreciate it.” Between his timid hand shake and the sadness in his eyes, I began to immediately reassess what I thought his intentions may be with my services.

Steve, immediately began to explain what it was really like to be a young Manhattan bachelor. He told the story of a young guy that was barely holding onto his sanity from the demands of his 90 hour a week banking job that provided him with absolutely no security or sense of self worth. He felt that any extra curricular activities (happy hour) he had with co-workers were a mere extension of his work week and were used for ulterior motives to get ahead at work. He felt that his self esteem was completely dependent on his career success and at this point, he felt that he was worthless. This of course resulted in terrible anxiety when it came to women. He explained that when he first met a women, he was so concerned about what she was thinking of him that he was unable to have interesting and compelling conversation. The saddest thing he said was that he just felt like he was so alone in his life.

I honestly was at a loss. He certainly looked the part of the other 1000’s of guys I had interviewed for my matchmaking database. These guys were flashy, borderline arrogant and super confident, at least on the surface. Then it occurred to me, could Steve be a true representation in the flesh of what lies within these MANhattan bachelors? Maybe thats why all of these guys are terminally single. Maybe thats why it took me years to put together a database of guys that were truly serious about a relationship. Maybe these “young turks” of Manhattan overcompensate with their “player” like behavior to hide the weak, scared little boy that lives within their soul. Could their inability to emotionally connect or consistently see one woman for an extended period of time be the result of self doubt and the fear of a woman hurting them? I always thought the terminal single bachelors of MANhattan were that way because there was to much ass running around the streets and their behavior was a result of being sexually selfish and just plain immature. These guys ignored their sensitivity and undermined their emotional needs with arrogance and meaningless physical connections with women. Maybe Steve was actually the strongest of all the MANhattan bachelors because he actually was in touch with his emotional state and wanted to improve his self so he could find true love.

I looked Steve in the eye and said, “I truly admire how in touch you are with your emotional state and believe it or not, you are one of the strongest guys I have yet to meet in MANhattan.” I went on to explain that I could help him understand that people’s inner confidence defines who they are, not the reactions of others. I told him I would help him balance his career and social life. We agreed to start to work together. As we shook hands and he thanked me again, I watched him walk away and pass a beautiful woman. I noticed that he stared right into her eyes and smiled, she did the same. He then turned back and winked at me. Steve was on his way.

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Taking Him from Lusting You to Loving You

Passion so intense the sheets are smoldering. He’s begging for more. You are in total control, pushing him, and you, into a state of ecstasy both of you have only dreamed.

Sex with your guy has always been great, but this time you rocked his world like no other woman on his notorious list of conquests ever has. As you reclaim your side of the bed, being the independent temptress of seduction that you are, the unthinkable happens: he follows you across the bed and wraps you into the most intense, I-will-love-you-forever spoon that you have ever experienced. As you feel his rock-hard abs melding into the small of your back, one last thought crosses your mind before you drift off to sleep, “GOT HIM.”

Have you ever been this woman? Well, let me tell you, I have been that guy and as soon as the sun came up, the sex kitten in my arms didn’t become the “love of my life,” she became “the lust of my life.” Contrary to what most women believe, giving a guy the best sex of his life does not get you any closer to his heart, but it can lead you to HIS TIPPING POINT, that critical time when a man’s sexual satisfaction opens the emotional pathway for him to fall in love.

If this window of opportunity isn’t handled correctly, it can actually keep you categorized as his woman below the belt. Believe it or not, guys do feel emotional attachment after sex, but they try to ignore and deny it.

The brief, pre-slumber moments after a man is completely sexually satisfied are filled with contemplation. “Maybe, just maybe, she could be the one.” And, he rationalizes by thinking about her ability to physically please him as well as her passionate living in the moment, sexual mentality. Many women, however, make the understandable mistake of showing their desire to emotionally connect after great sex. They become hyper-accommodating and absurdly attentive. Such after-sex behavior couldn’t be any worse if you’re in the market for more than just a romp in the bed. Why? Because when a woman changes from the seductive temptress to an emotionally needy marshmallow, his long-simmering fears of obligation, monogamy and commitment boil over. Mr. Right Now immediately extinguishes any thoughts of emotional attachment. But do not despair! You can conquer his tipping point and turn a commitment-phobic boy into a truly committed, fearless man.

First, great sex shouldn’t morph you into a doting girlfriend. Your mattress moves just rocked his world. Why turn around and tuck him in? If anything, let him wonder what you’re thinking as you both drift off to sleep. Then follow these four steps to transform him from lusting you to loving you.

Step One: After you show him your moves, move over. Retreat to the other side of the bed and do not make physical contact. Sleep soundly under a warm blanket of post-coital bliss.

Step Two: The morning after. Initiate another sexcapade. Please yourself, please him, and then get the hell out of there.

Step Three: Let him call you. I don’t care if it takes five days, let him reach out first.

Step Four: The next time that you are together, make sure the encounter does not include sex. Make him connect with you emotionally and don’t mention the great sex you had. He now knows what you can do in bed; show him what you can do outside the boudoir.

Engage the brain he has above his belt, find his tipping point, and your next night of lust will add the emotional element you’ve wanted all along.You Sex kitten you!!!

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Guys that text more than 3x without suggesting getting together aren’t serious about dating you!!!!

Look, when a guy is playing “Texting Tag” with you he is just feeding his ego from the attention he is getting from you. A real man wants to go from texting to seeing you in person as soon as possible.

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Men Ring in The New Year By Doing “Relationship House Cleaning” While Women “Do Relationship Fixing Uping”

When it comes to relationship status and the New Year, a guy would rather make a clean break and start over than put in the time to improve a subpar relationship, while women would rather make the effort to fix the relationship.

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How to Get a Guy to Commit

Matt’s Dating Advice: Men become emotionally connected after they become physically addicted. So if you want a guy all to yourself make the passion hotter than ever but don’t sleep with him. Do everything else. Remember a guys fantasy about sleeping with you will always be stronger than the reality of it. Let him chase the fantasy until he falls in love with you.

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