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Category Archives: Sex

When the Sex Stops, is it OK to Cheat?

When the Sex Stops, is it OK to Cheat?

When the sex stops, is it OK to engage in adultery? That’s the question Dr. Mark White posed in a recent Psychology Today article, and it’s created some strong responses from people on both sides of the fence. As a New York City matchmaker and dating coach, I’d like to weigh in on the debate.

There are those who say denying sex is a betrayal on par with adultery. When two people enter a relationship, there’s a natural expectation of sex. Of course, sex should always be voluntary. But when sex is refused for long periods of time, it can start to feel like a violation of the relationship itself.

It’s no secret that people in relationships have sexual needs. But technically speaking, there’s no real obligation for their partner to satisfy them. And trying to suppress or deny those needs is a tried and true tactic to drive your special someone into the arms of another. So what can you do?

You can be the noble fool who puts the relationship above all of your own needs, but that doesn’t mean your needs are suddenly going to go away. They’ll still be there below the surface, breeding quiet resentment for your partner.

When sexual needs aren’t being fulfilled, nine times out of ten the cause is a communication breakdown. If one hundred of you gave me your own definition of cheating, I’d have one hundred different definitions. Certain things are going to be common, namely the physical acts. But the fact is, cheating in a relationship means whatever each partner decides it means. And you shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone whose behavior you don’t approve of.

If both people aren’t having their basic needs satisfied, then there is a problem in the relationship and that problem needs to be discussed. Not talking about it will only make it worse, and committing adultery just brings a third person into the mess. As uncomfortable as it might be to bring up, you need to make your partner understand your needs.

Sure, you can run out the door and find sex elsewhere. But if you don’t identify the cause, you’re only setting yourself up for the same problem in future relationships. So look your partner in the eye and just say it. If that conversation ends the relationship, trust me when I say it was already over. At the end of the day, you have to do whatever makes you feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror.

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Are Pet Names a Good thing for a Relationship?

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Don’t Be His Bed Cred

You remember the exact moment. You were both hot and heavy and the camera was an arms length away. He was a stud, but now, six months later the dud has been flashing nude pictures of you for all his bro’s to see.

It’s called Bed Cred in guy talk. Ray Jay has it, along with Tommy Lee, Brett Michaels and the list goes on.  Bed Cred is the power to make a chick strip naked and perform in front of the camera. Sharing that Bed Cred is a right of honor with some guys, case in point, a client of mine had a boyfriend who would get together with his buddies every few months for an event they called “the wall of shame”. They would actually take turns pinning up naked pictures of their recent conquests in a competition to see who bagged the hottest chick. Guys consider Bed Cred something that puts them into the “circle of royalty” among their friends.

It’s easy to get, it’s hard to get rid of.

Lights
It started when he told you how hot you looked wrapped up in those sheets. Then, he asked to snap a few sultry shots.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and notice that you really do have that sexy bed-head look.  You agree under the one condition, you have final cut approval.

What he was really thinking, I’ll take a couple of headshots while I tell her she’s totally hot. Then I’ll kiss her and she’ll be ready to bare it all.

Camera
After he snaps off a few shots, it makes you feel sexy.  Then, he starts kissing you and touching you like no other man. He stops, looks at you and says, “Babe, you know what would be such a turn on, artistic pictures of your beautiful body. I’ve never wanted to do that with anyone else.”

Inside his mind he’s thinking, my boys will die when they see these. I can’t believe I lost the pictures I had of my last girlfriend. This girl is ten times hotter.

Action
The next thirty minutes you turn into a Playboy centerfold, and follow it up with the best sex he’s ever had.

Inside his mind, he will have this memory of you even when there is another girl in his bed.

For girls, the only way to avoid what happens next is not to stand in front of that camera to being with.

Six months later you’ve been memorialized in his camera phone for all his bro’s to see.

Guys consider Bed Cred something that puts then into the “circle of royalty” among friends.

Simply put, men are visual creatures. At the end of a relationship, the emotional attachment is over. While women save love notes and jewelry, men have their photos.

In the end, the “ex” can be the best thing to building a guys “bed cred” because according to him, she would do anything for him in bed because he was the best she ever had.

It would be great to ask her, but you can’t, because she’s long gone.

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Building the Bridge to the Right Guy

I got to thinking this morning when I was sitting in Starbucks looking around at the beautiful, successful women that New York City has to offer the bachelors who walk these streets.

It’s really pretty simple.

It’s not 1975 anymore. Portraying yourself as a “Lady in Waiting,” as in waiting for your Prince Charming, is going to result in one thing: Being Lonely!

Nowadays, its all about being unique and different. What can you do to stand out from all of the other beautiful women that want that same good looking successful guy? The answer is in your behavior.  So, I put together a little checklist for the women who deserve the right guy.

1. Smile

2. Approach men

3. Introduce yourself

4. Start the conversation

5. Be fearless

Simple, yes. Effective, hell yes.

If a guy can’t handle a woman walking up to him and starting a conversation than he isn’t someone that you want to know anyway. A secure, good guy will be completely impressed by a women that takes the initiative and attempts to make love happen. So get out there with a purpose and a plan, smile at the next great looking guy you see and actually walk up to him and introduce yourself. You might be surprised at the outcome of your actions.

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