Author Archives: matttitus

Are Pet Names a Good thing for a Relationship?

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CBS News: How To Deal With A Bad Boss!

I talked with Chris Wragge and Erica Hill about bad bosses and how best to deal with them! How do you deal with you? Let me know!

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If You Really Want To Know Someone, Live With Them!

Living together before you get married is a must. You never know anyone until you see their unabridged personal life. It’s hard to hide who you are when you sleep, eat and breath within 2500 sq feet of each other on a daily basis. Anyone can portray beauty, style and grace a few times a week, for a couple of hours. Case in point, many years ago I had been introduced to a sexy older woman that had an interest in investing in one of my fitness ventures. She had divorced very well and had money to burn so she asked me if she could be my silent partner. I needed a investor with deep pockets that would allow me to create my dream facility. I knew this was going to be a terrible mistake but I allowed my business greed to cloud my personal judgement. So the night we made the deal, we went out to celebrate and I somehow ended up in her bed the next morning (doesn’t that sound innocent?) Now I was sleeping with my investor. (aren’t I genius! this was probably one of the worst mistakes that I have ever made. It actually gets worse. This casual sex some how turned into a relationship that resulted in us moving in together after only 6-weeks! (And I’m a relationship expert) Yes I am. From experience my dear reader. The point is that I was living with a virtual stranger. Her first order of business was to claim stake to the 12 by 12 cedar walk in closet. She did this changing the locks and NOT giving me a key. Her explanation was that the closet would by housing her diamond jewelry and fine furs and didn’t want any apartment building personnel to have access. Excuse me, am I apartment building personnel? Where the f**ck is my key? I let that one slide, wouldn’t want to upset investor/girlfriend. Then she announced that every other friday she had to fly down to Miami (alone) and model diamond necklaces at parties for some old guy that owned a jewelry store. What? Oh it was okay because he was going to pay her $2500.00 for the weekend. At this point I felt like I was living in a different galaxy with some freakish martian. She would come back late sunday night (mind you, she would not contact me or answer my calls the whole weekend) looking like she had been on a 3 day bender of hard liquor and narcotics. She would sleep till 2 pm on Monday and show up at “our” facility for work at 4 pm exhausted, miserable and exceptionally demanding. Our fledging business was experiencing growing pains and cash flow wasn’t what she had expected. Maybe it was do in part to her  3 hour daily ” liquid power lunches” that she expected me to be her escort on. I was never a big drinker, so Belvedere and tonic wasn’t my drink of choice to go with my seared tuna. She had an exceptional relationship with Mr. Belvedere and tonic and would consume between 6 and 8 drinks during lunch. She then would demand sex in a public place and expect me to perform at an optimal level while I tried to please her in the stall of the men’s bathroom while the attendant pretended not to see us. Then she would beg me to have one more cocktail before we left. During our “cocktail” she would usually become wildly bipolar and start to cry over anything from our business to her general disappointment in life, Her sorrow would eventually turn into blind rage where she would verbally abuse me for the color of my shirt. This was usually followed by the “burning of sage” ritual at our facility to ensure that she “cleared” all the bad energy from our business so we could make money. So this was not only my girlfriend but also my business partner! As my investor she was responsible for the money in which I drew from the business. I was totally dependent on this unstable woman for my business as well as my personal success. How could I have gotten myself into this mess.

It all ended one monday afternoon when my investor/girlfriend didn’t show up for work. Around 4:30 my cell phone rang and I just assumed it was my cranky investor/girlfriend calling me to bitch. It was very surprising to hear Detective Charles on the other end of the line. “Hello Mr. Titus, my name is Detective Charles and we have just taken your girlfriend into custody for drug possession and trafficking.” As it turned out my “live in girlfriend/investor” turned out to be a notorious drug dealer and trafficker that was wanted in 3 states for felony drug possession. Who would’ve thunk it? Since I was never a drug user  or seller I had no idea what the signs were. I was lucky enough to bring in another investor and eventual sell my facility 2 years later for a profit. The takeaway from this story is to truly understand what you are getting into when you decide to move in with a significant other. As I had mentioned, it is imperative to do this if your eventual goal is marriage. Here are 10 things to do when you move in with someone so you can clearly see who they are.

1. Do not become financially dependent on each other. Do not merge bank accounts. Have one account that is for bills that you both contribute to.

2. Make sure that there is enough space so you can feel like each of you are alone even when you are home together.

3. Living together doesn’t mean that you have to be together anymore than you were before you moved in with each other.

4. Expect to see sides of each other that you didn’t know existed. Trust me, you can’t hide “the crazies” we all have them.

5. Be prepared for the relationship to become a lot more real. It will lose the luster but it will be replaced with substance and strength.

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The New Manhattan Man: Fragile, Sensitive and Terrified

Last Thursday night I got a call from my office asking me if I could take a last minute appointment. I asked my assistant about the appointment. She said it was a 30 year-old investment banker guy that was looking for “love.” I thought, oh boy, what’s a 30 year old private banker doing calling a matchmaker to help find him a relationship in NYC. He either must be disfigured or looking for a pimp. As I have said many times before,” being young, male and upwardly mobile on the island of MANhattan is like winning the lottery.” With 210,000 more single women than single men and an overall attitude of entitlement, men on this island are kings. So when “Steve” walked in in his Hugo Boss suit, shiny hair and perfect smile, I couldn’t wait to hear what he could possibly need from me. He extended his hand and said, “Hello Matt, thank you for seeing me on such short notice, I really appreciate it.” Between his timid hand shake and the sadness in his eyes, I began to immediately reassess what I thought his intentions may be with my services.

Steve, immediately began to explain what it was really like to be a young Manhattan bachelor. He told the story of a young guy that was barely holding onto his sanity from the demands of his 90 hour a week banking job that provided him with absolutely no security or sense of self worth. He felt that any extra curricular activities (happy hour) he had with co-workers were a mere extension of his work week and were used for ulterior motives to get ahead at work. He felt that his self esteem was completely dependent on his career success and at this point, he felt that he was worthless. This of course resulted in terrible anxiety when it came to women. He explained that when he first met a women, he was so concerned about what she was thinking of him that he was unable to have interesting and compelling conversation. The saddest thing he said was that he just felt like he was so alone in his life.

I honestly was at a loss. He certainly looked the part of the other 1000’s of guys I had interviewed for my matchmaking database. These guys were flashy, borderline arrogant and super confident, at least on the surface. Then it occurred to me, could Steve be a true representation in the flesh of what lies within these MANhattan bachelors? Maybe thats why all of these guys are terminally single. Maybe thats why it took me years to put together a database of guys that were truly serious about a relationship. Maybe these “young turks” of Manhattan overcompensate with their “player” like behavior to hide the weak, scared little boy that lives within their soul. Could their inability to emotionally connect or consistently see one woman for an extended period of time be the result of self doubt and the fear of a woman hurting them? I always thought the terminal single bachelors of MANhattan were that way because there was to much ass running around the streets and their behavior was a result of being sexually selfish and just plain immature. These guys ignored their sensitivity and undermined their emotional needs with arrogance and meaningless physical connections with women. Maybe Steve was actually the strongest of all the MANhattan bachelors because he actually was in touch with his emotional state and wanted to improve his self so he could find true love.

I looked Steve in the eye and said, “I truly admire how in touch you are with your emotional state and believe it or not, you are one of the strongest guys I have yet to meet in MANhattan.” I went on to explain that I could help him understand that people’s inner confidence defines who they are, not the reactions of others. I told him I would help him balance his career and social life. We agreed to start to work together. As we shook hands and he thanked me again, I watched him walk away and pass a beautiful woman. I noticed that he stared right into her eyes and smiled, she did the same. He then turned back and winked at me. Steve was on his way.

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Is It OK To Ask Him To Marry Me?

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Don’t Be His Bed Cred

You remember the exact moment. You were both hot and heavy and the camera was an arms length away. He was a stud, but now, six months later the dud has been flashing nude pictures of you for all his bro’s to see.

It’s called Bed Cred in guy talk. Ray Jay has it, along with Tommy Lee, Brett Michaels and the list goes on.  Bed Cred is the power to make a chick strip naked and perform in front of the camera. Sharing that Bed Cred is a right of honor with some guys, case in point, a client of mine had a boyfriend who would get together with his buddies every few months for an event they called “the wall of shame”. They would actually take turns pinning up naked pictures of their recent conquests in a competition to see who bagged the hottest chick. Guys consider Bed Cred something that puts them into the “circle of royalty” among their friends.

It’s easy to get, it’s hard to get rid of.

It started when he told you how hot you looked wrapped up in those sheets. Then, he asked to snap a few sultry shots.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and notice that you really do have that sexy bed-head look.  You agree under the one condition, you have final cut approval.

What he was really thinking, I’ll take a couple of headshots while I tell her she’s totally hot. Then I’ll kiss her and she’ll be ready to bare it all.

After he snaps off a few shots, it makes you feel sexy.  Then, he starts kissing you and touching you like no other man. He stops, looks at you and says, “Babe, you know what would be such a turn on, artistic pictures of your beautiful body. I’ve never wanted to do that with anyone else.”

Inside his mind he’s thinking, my boys will die when they see these. I can’t believe I lost the pictures I had of my last girlfriend. This girl is ten times hotter.

The next thirty minutes you turn into a Playboy centerfold, and follow it up with the best sex he’s ever had.

Inside his mind, he will have this memory of you even when there is another girl in his bed.

For girls, the only way to avoid what happens next is not to stand in front of that camera to being with.

Six months later you’ve been memorialized in his camera phone for all his bro’s to see.

Guys consider Bed Cred something that puts then into the “circle of royalty” among friends.

Simply put, men are visual creatures. At the end of a relationship, the emotional attachment is over. While women save love notes and jewelry, men have their photos.

In the end, the “ex” can be the best thing to building a guys “bed cred” because according to him, she would do anything for him in bed because he was the best she ever had.

It would be great to ask her, but you can’t, because she’s long gone.

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Tip: Love or Sex ? Choose Sex…

Why do most women believe that their has to be emotion with sex?

Sex without emotion can be hotter and less inhibited.

Let a little passion drive your actions you might be surprised where it takes you.

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Building the Bridge to the Right Guy

I got to thinking this morning when I was sitting in Starbucks looking around at the beautiful, successful women that New York City has to offer the bachelors who walk these streets.

It’s really pretty simple.

It’s not 1975 anymore. Portraying yourself as a “Lady in Waiting,” as in waiting for your Prince Charming, is going to result in one thing: Being Lonely!

Nowadays, its all about being unique and different. What can you do to stand out from all of the other beautiful women that want that same good looking successful guy? The answer is in your behavior.  So, I put together a little checklist for the women who deserve the right guy.

1. Smile

2. Approach men

3. Introduce yourself

4. Start the conversation

5. Be fearless

Simple, yes. Effective, hell yes.

If a guy can’t handle a woman walking up to him and starting a conversation than he isn’t someone that you want to know anyway. A secure, good guy will be completely impressed by a women that takes the initiative and attempts to make love happen. So get out there with a purpose and a plan, smile at the next great looking guy you see and actually walk up to him and introduce yourself. You might be surprised at the outcome of your actions.

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Why You Attract The Wrong Men

Guess who’s fault that is? It’s yours! If you want to meet a certain type of man than you have to actually go to where he spends his time. It’s not rocket science. Stop being passive and lazy and just agreeing to go to all the same old, tired places that your girlfriends decide to go. Have a strategy and take control. Love can be serendipitous, but it won’t be on your time frame. Take action and make love happen. If your interested in finding out where the specific kind of guy hangs out just let me know.

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Taking Him from Lusting You to Loving You

Passion so intense the sheets are smoldering. He’s begging for more. You are in total control, pushing him, and you, into a state of ecstasy both of you have only dreamed.

Sex with your guy has always been great, but this time you rocked his world like no other woman on his notorious list of conquests ever has. As you reclaim your side of the bed, being the independent temptress of seduction that you are, the unthinkable happens: he follows you across the bed and wraps you into the most intense, I-will-love-you-forever spoon that you have ever experienced. As you feel his rock-hard abs melding into the small of your back, one last thought crosses your mind before you drift off to sleep, “GOT HIM.”

Have you ever been this woman? Well, let me tell you, I have been that guy and as soon as the sun came up, the sex kitten in my arms didn’t become the “love of my life,” she became “the lust of my life.” Contrary to what most women believe, giving a guy the best sex of his life does not get you any closer to his heart, but it can lead you to HIS TIPPING POINT, that critical time when a man’s sexual satisfaction opens the emotional pathway for him to fall in love.

If this window of opportunity isn’t handled correctly, it can actually keep you categorized as his woman below the belt. Believe it or not, guys do feel emotional attachment after sex, but they try to ignore and deny it.

The brief, pre-slumber moments after a man is completely sexually satisfied are filled with contemplation. “Maybe, just maybe, she could be the one.” And, he rationalizes by thinking about her ability to physically please him as well as her passionate living in the moment, sexual mentality. Many women, however, make the understandable mistake of showing their desire to emotionally connect after great sex. They become hyper-accommodating and absurdly attentive. Such after-sex behavior couldn’t be any worse if you’re in the market for more than just a romp in the bed. Why? Because when a woman changes from the seductive temptress to an emotionally needy marshmallow, his long-simmering fears of obligation, monogamy and commitment boil over. Mr. Right Now immediately extinguishes any thoughts of emotional attachment. But do not despair! You can conquer his tipping point and turn a commitment-phobic boy into a truly committed, fearless man.

First, great sex shouldn’t morph you into a doting girlfriend. Your mattress moves just rocked his world. Why turn around and tuck him in? If anything, let him wonder what you’re thinking as you both drift off to sleep. Then follow these four steps to transform him from lusting you to loving you.

Step One: After you show him your moves, move over. Retreat to the other side of the bed and do not make physical contact. Sleep soundly under a warm blanket of post-coital bliss.

Step Two: The morning after. Initiate another sexcapade. Please yourself, please him, and then get the hell out of there.

Step Three: Let him call you. I don’t care if it takes five days, let him reach out first.

Step Four: The next time that you are together, make sure the encounter does not include sex. Make him connect with you emotionally and don’t mention the great sex you had. He now knows what you can do in bed; show him what you can do outside the boudoir.

Engage the brain he has above his belt, find his tipping point, and your next night of lust will add the emotional element you’ve wanted all along.You Sex kitten you!!!

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