Monogamy has always been a sticky subject for me. The idea of one person forever is downright scary, nauseating even. Surprisingly though, for the past 8 years, I’ve mostly been a serial monogamous–floating one relationship to the next, with a few random bed stumblings in between until I found my next partner in crime. But the chance of any of those PIC’s leading to marriage is what eventually causes me to end it. There’s something about the permanence feeling, the restriction, the death do us part bit–it’s overwhelming, it’s too much of a commitment; it’s possibly not for me.
But I’m not a man. I say that because these are all sayings I’ve heard come from a man’s mouth. Scientifically speaking, you expect that because men are supposed to go forth and spread their seed, they can’t be bogged down. We’re supposed to just catch it, grow it and hatch it with a man potentially by our side. However, when those hormones, brain fibers or whatever, were being formed in my brain, the incessant need to marry and procreate were not included. Instead, I too, want to go forth and spread my metaphorical seed–in all aspects of life that is.
As I’ve progressed into the second half of my twenties, I’m finding other women who feel the same. We watch the girls around us getting engaged, getting preggers, starting real lives with people and we just look on with horror with fake congratulatory smiles on our face. It isn’t because we are incapable of love. Many of us have it, but like man, we weren’t hardwired with these kinds of needs. We are no better nor worse than those who are, but one things for sure, our numbers are growing.
I think we’ve just progressed into a different sort of need. As the inequality gap closes in the workforce, women out number men as college graduates and newer, faster technology emerges, we’re just getting bored. It seems silly to say, but as we become more and more successful with easier ways to communicate, we need more to stimulate our senses. One person is good for now, but he won’t be indefinitely. Just like any job and the need for career growth,one needs personal and emotional growth. I think that can eventually tap out with one person and thus boredom ensues, making it hard for anyone person to stay truly monogamous.
My hope is that I’m wrong and all of us who’ve strayed from the norm can be proven wrong one day. But until then, while we falter, we’re just going to have to visit Adam and Eve and make sure we’re well stocked on toys. Because that’s one kind of monogamy we can all get down with.